Cortisol addiction can play a significant role in the experience of an affair by creating a physiological and emotional cycle that reinforces the thrill and excitement of the illicit relationship. Cortisol, the stress hormone, is released during high-stakes or emotionally charged situations, such as the secrecy and risk associated with infidelity. For some individuals, this heightened arousal and stress can become addictive, as it stimulates a sense of aliveness or intensity that might be absent in their daily lives or marriage.
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The cycle of cortisol addiction begins when the affair creates situations of heightened tension and emotional drama, such as sneaking around, fearing discovery, or engaging in secretive behavior. These scenarios trigger the body’s fight-or-flight response, increasing cortisol levels and creating a sense of alertness and excitement. Over time, individuals may come to associate this heightened state with the affair itself, mistaking the physiological rush for passion or deep emotional connection.
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This pattern can perpetuate the affair, as the individual continues to seek the cortisol-induced "high" that accompanies the secrecy and novelty of the relationship. However, this hormonal rollercoaster often masks deeper issues, such as dissatisfaction with oneself or in the marriage, or an inability to find excitement and fulfillment in healthier ways.
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What to Do About It?
Addressing cortisol addiction involves recognizing the role of stress and thrill-seeking in the affair, as well as taking inventory of the other ways you may seek and maintain high levels of cortisol in your life. In my practice, when cortisol addiction is at play, it's usually not a straight shot from a mundane life to high levels of cortisol. Often, we can track this to other behaviors that began and built up prior to the affair starting -- like gambling, risk taking, or constant high pressure at work, for example. Some of my clients are using biometric measures like the Oura ring to gather more information on the levels of stress and cortisol in their bodies as it correlates with their interactions and activities.
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Healing will require finding alternative ways to bring excitement and vitality into the relationship without relying on destructive behaviors. Ultimately, reducing cortisol in the body may take time, and you will need to allow your body to readjust while doing the inner work to better understand this aspect of your personal history and yourself.
I hope this insight serves as an invitation for further self-inquiry and enlightenment. Understanding our deeper workings helps us to transcend societal labels about infidelity, and use the experience as a gateway to greater self-awareness and empathy. And that is the most powerful force of healing for all parties.
Lauren LaRusso, Founder and Coach, www.laurenlarusso.com

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