Did You Cheat Because You Were Bored?

Boredom: A Vulnerable Void Filled by Infidelity

When life becomes predictable—managing schedules, raising kids, going to work—it’s easy for the spark that once brought two people together to fade into the background. What once felt exciting and full of possibility can start to feel routine. In that space, it’s not uncommon for one or both partners to feel a sense of restlessness or emotional flatness.

As humans, we naturally crave a certain level of novelty and stimulation. When a relationship lacks those elements, it can begin to feel stagnant or lifeless. Relational boredom—and the stories we tell ourselves about why the relationship feels dull—can create fertile ground for infidelity.

What’s often overlooked is that both partners may be experiencing this boredom. The partner who didn’t have the affair may have also been longing for more connection, excitement, or passion—they just didn’t seek it outside the relationship. In some cases, the discovery of an affair becomes a wake-up call: a stark reminder that the relationship has been running on autopilot. When handled with intention, this realization can actually be a turning point in the recovery process, helping both partners explore what needs to be revived or reimagined in their connection.

Of course, it’s far better if that wake-up call doesn’t come at the cost of betrayal and emotional fallout. Infidelity might offer a temporary jolt of excitement, but it also brings lasting consequences—guilt, mistrust, and emotional disconnection—that are rarely worth the price. There are healthier, more honest ways to reignite a relationship and address boredom without causing harm.

What To Do About It:

Talk honestly about the rut.... Early, and often. The worst thing most couples do is wait to address concerns that have been there all along, until it's too late and they're in crisis. Bringing it into the open—without blame—and take responsibility for how YOU'D like to improve things. Don't simply complain and expect your partner to be the one who brings the entertainment. Be the change you wish to see.

Reintroduce play and spontaneity. Try something new together: cook a new recipe, hike a trail, take a spontaneous weekend trip, or just switching up the daily routine. Novelty can reawaken shared excitement.

Schedule time for intimacy and fun. It’s easy for joy to take a back seat to responsibility. Intentionally carve out time for laughter, touch, and connection—without distractions. Scheduling intimacy gets a bad rap, but I bet you plan in advance when you're going to go to the gym or get your hair done. That ensures it's made a priority. Do the same with creating space for intimate connection.

Reflect on personal fulfillment. Sometimes boredom stems from within. Reinvesting in individual passions or goals can breathe energy back into the relationship. Getting curious with yourself about how you expect your life to look and feel, and why, can help increase self-awareness.

Consider couples therapy or coaching. Not everyone finds communication natural. A professional can help identify where things feel stuck and guide you in rebuilding the connection you’re craving.

Boredom is a signal—not of failure, but of an opportunity for growth. When both partners are willing to show up, get curious, and make small shifts, it's possible to create a relationship that feels alive, fulfilling, and deeply connected again.

Don't overlook all the resources at LaurenLaRusso.com to help you get unstuck and move forward from an affair. You're not in this alone.

Lauren LaRusso // Founder + Coach