Is There a Connection Between ADHD and Infidelity?

The Intersection of ADHD and Infidelity

Let me be entirely clear: ADHD doesn’t cause infidelity. I repeat, ADHD does not cause a person to cheat! We're not talking causation. Rather, we're talking about correlation. A vital distinction. Understanding where, and if, certain factors are correlated can help each of us piece together our own puzzle.

In my work with clients, I've seen an overlap time and again between the struggle to feel settled in long-term relationships and ADHD symptomology. It's worth exploring how aspects of ADHD—like impulsivity and a craving for novelty—can sometimes create conditions where risky behaviors, including infidelity, may be more likely to occur.

For example, imagine a partner with ADHD who, feeling bored or disconnected in a long-term relationship, impulsively decides to flirt with a coworker simply for a burst of excitement. In another scenario, someone might struggle with inattentiveness or emotional regulation, which can lead to misunderstandings or feelings of neglect. This may make them more vulnerable to seeking validation or attention elsewhere, especially when they’re feeling overwhelmed by routine.

However, it’s important to remember that ADHD is just one piece of the puzzle and doesn’t automatically lead to infidelity. Often, it’s the combination of ADHD traits with existing relationship challenges that creates a risky environment. It's true that marriage isn't going to give you loads of dopamine hits. It's a steady state, after all. But the ADHD brain and dopamine function are closely linked. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in the brain's reward and motivation systems. In many people with ADHD, dopamine levels or the way dopamine signals are processed can be lower or less efficient. This can mean that everyday tasks don’t trigger the same sense of reward or motivation, which might contribute to symptoms like inattention and impulsivity.

What to Do About It

If you’re concerned about how ADHD may be affecting your relationship, there are steps you can take. I can't stress enough how important it is to explore formal assessment and diagnosis. Armchair diagnoses aren't enough. Managing ADHD symptoms through professional treatment—such as medication, behavioral therapy, or mindfulness techniques—can also help reduce impulsive decisions and improve focus. Consider individual therapy or couple’s counseling to address communication issues and build healthier emotional habits. Exploring these strategies, you can work toward a more balanced, fulfilling relationship where both partners feel understood and valued.

If you're struggling because of an affair, make sure you explore the resources expertly designed to help spouses who are having an affair, affair partners, and betrayed spouses. You aren't alone, and it's a waste of your precious life to keep white-knuckling things because you think you should be figuring this out on your own.

We are here to help. It starts with you, right now.

Lauren LaRusso // Founder + Coach