The Entitlement Trap: How a Sense of Entitlement (or Lack Thereof) Fuels Infidelity

Entitlement & Affairs: When "I Deserve More" Leads to Betrayal

 Have you ever said to yourself, "I deserve this" to justify a decision? That's entitlement in action. It's one thing when it comes to deciding you want an ice cream cone after dinner, a new handbag, or a trip to the Bahamas. But when it comes to infidelity, a sense of entitlement can be a dangerous mindset.

How Entitlement Fuels Affairs

Some people justify cheating by convincing themselves they’re owed something—more attention, more passion, or more excitement than they’re currently getting in their relationship. They might think, "I work hard, I provide, I do so much—so why shouldn’t I have this?"

This mindset makes it easy to overlook the pain their actions cause, because in their mind, their needs, and their right to have it all, matter more than the commitment they made.

Entitlement can also show up as special rule syndrome. The idea that "These relationship rules don’t apply to me the way they apply to my partner."

Maybe they contribute financially, support the family, or have been a “good” spouse in other ways—so they feel like they've earned the right to step outside the relationship. Entitlement leads to a host of rationalizations that completely gloss over the impact of the decisions being made.

But What About the Over-Givers?

Interestingly, entitlement isn’t just a problem for people who take too much—it can also show up in people who give too much.

Some people spend their entire lives over-giving, always putting others first, sacrificing their needs, and neglecting their own desires. Over time, they burn out. They start feeling unappreciated, invisible, and drained. And instead of setting healthy boundaries or learning to prioritize themselves in a balanced way, they overcorrect—by having an affair.

For them, infidelity can feel like a form of rebellion, a way to finally take something for themselves. A secret indulgence where, for once, they don’t have to be the responsible one. But in the long run, this only leads to more guilt, more self-betrayal, and more destruction.

What to Do About It:

Whether entitlement shows up as taking too much or giving too much, the answer is the same: balance.  

Practice self-awareness and accountability – Ask yourself: Am I justifying something I wouldn’t accept from my partner?Learn healthy boundaries – If you’re an over-giver, start putting yourself first in ways that don’t involve deception. If you don't have appropriate, relationship-protecting boundaries because you feel you deserve not to, examine where that belief comes from and explore what it would feel like to shift that belief. 

Cultivate empathy – Imagine how you’d feel if the roles were reversed.

Communicate honestly – If something’s missing in your relationship, talk about it before seeking it elsewhere. As I tell clients all the time, it's never too late to pivot and turn your communication and attention into the relationship.

Work on mutual fulfillment – Find ways to meet each other’s needs rather than seeing it as "me vs. them." Scorekeeping in a relationship is a sign of internal or external imbalance. 

At the end of the day, an affair won’t fix unmet needs—it just creates new ones. The real work happens when we stop looking for shortcuts and start addressing the deeper issues within ourselves and our relationships.

I hope that this article helped illuminate a new factor of infidelity that will help you heal, grow, and move forward.

Lauren LaRusso // Founder